ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
