This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
