we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize