either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we're so committed to being not committed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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