And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
