I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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