if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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