There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
