so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
