Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
