yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
