I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
love makes seman taste better
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
