His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
