Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
