By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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