So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
