I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
