Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
