My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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