Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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