Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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