the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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