i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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