Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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