There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
