dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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