Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize