i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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