New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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