I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize