The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
