I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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