i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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