Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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