You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
