this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
