He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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