i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
