I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
