How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
