My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize