I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize