Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
