How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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