Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
third nipple confirmed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
