It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize