I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
