You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
