i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
