Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
