I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
