had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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