I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize