she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
