I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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