my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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