Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
