Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
