So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
