I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
