Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
