He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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