Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He shit in the fireplace
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
