I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
