I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
