i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
