Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
