Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
