Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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