Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
