True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
