That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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