Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize