im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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