stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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