Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She bit a glass in half.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
