DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
