your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
