Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
