evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
