Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
