God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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