I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
