dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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