my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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